Smile by Uncle Kracker

Every once in a while I come across a song that I could have written, a song that already lives inside of my heart but that Uncle Kracker seems to have beaten me to... thanks for stealing my thunder dude.

Smile lyrics

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
Of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone,
Somehow you come along just like
A flower pokin' through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Cleopatra 1963

Elizabeth Taylor at 31, what a lovely lady.

248. To the Virgins, to make much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles today
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of Heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run.
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

When I first read this, as a seventeen year old girl, I clearly understood Harricks urging.
Ironically the older I get the more I embrace that urging because I find that I have more freedom and more confidence to do so.
To paraphrase: "Live your life, savor it, so that when you are old you can look back with joy and satisfaction upon it, until you are dead that is."

So every day, you will find me gathering my rosebuds.

The Way I Am

There is music that I associate with specific seasons, probably because that is when I first heard the song. For instance when Ben was in Playschool in 2008, we went to the pumpkin patch and listened to "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. Ben renamed it "The Pumpkin Song". I always listen to this album in the fall and treasure the memories that we made that day. Here is a video of him singing it.

BEN'S PUMPKIN SONG


Ben and I taking a tractor ride that same day.

Mystical Magnesium?

The Miracle of Magnesium

I just started taking Magnesium which to me sounds like the magic pill helping everything from muscle spasms to anxiety to Alzheimer's...
I think if I even saw one of the benefits it would be pretty sweet.
Anyway read the reviews, and maybe it can help you live forever too!! ;)

Musings About Aging.

A conversation over warm beverages. Piano music plays softly in the background.
Me: Isn't it weird how we sit here slowly growing old right in front of each other?
Matt: Don't talk like that with this music playing, it makes me want to put on a cardigan.
Me: And maybe some different shoes?
Matt: Yeah.
We both laugh. But as for the original thought, we can't hide the fact that we are aging. Its in the lines on our faces but also in our unwillingness to wear trendy outfits made entirely from meat...

Cupcakes?

One of my best friends and I are entertaining the idea of opening a cupcake shop in our small, bakery deprived town. While this is a high and lofty plan and realistically it could be years in the making, it is still a special dream that has lived in my heart for sometime now and therefore is very exciting.

Last night I tested out a batch of Red Velvet Cupcakes topped with Cream Cheese Frosting, they were tasty.
I am thinking Key Lime with White Chocolate Frosting, Toasted Coconut with White Chocolate Frosting, Chocolate with Peanut Butter Frosting, Buttery Yellow Cake with Butter Cream Frosting...lots of ideas rattling round in my head.

We shall see what will become of it.

Summer Happenings

Baby Foxes!

Last summer I was lucky enough to stumble upon a beautiful golden red fox in a field near Kruse Farms and The Berry Patch, I blogged about it of course, it was amazingly beautiful. I just heard this morning that there are at least two new additions to the fox population in that area.
Below is a photo of the babies taken by Robin Loznak.

House Plans!

It's going to be a long road, who knows how long it will take our house to sell and who knows how long it will take to save up a down payment for the new one...actually it should take about 6 months...but you know how life is.
It is surreal to even be thinking about building and actually looking through the house plans knowing that in the not so distant future we will be living in one...very exciting for us!
Here are two of my favorites. :)

Number 1

Number 2

I asked Matty what he wants for his upcoming birthday and this was his response...

Amazon actually has a great deal on it them! We shall see.

Interesting Book

Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

I think Oprah promoted this book on her show so part of me was like, Oh, its another Oprah book...but someone else I knew has been reading it and loved it so I thought I would give it a go.
It's really very interesting and quite relate-able to me, my life, my thought processes. It is at times light and at times very dark but I have gained from it some very useful perspective.
It is not just about food...its about our minds and how our experiences and emotional reactions influence our food preferences, choices and how much we consume.
How when your brain says I'm hungry, it might actually mean something entirely different.
Anyway, worth a read if you are interested in this topic.

Ben's Kinder Graduation

A Ducky Song

These are too cute...

Etsy Shop

Summer is coming.

Summer is hovering just beyond the horizon and I am so ready for it.
I want to be hot and sweaty and feel the breeze cool off my skin.
I want to tend my herb garden and hear my husband sigh with satisfaction when he tastes my inventive creations.
I want to hike with my boys up to a hidden waterfall.
I want to ride my bike around town and feel the wind in my hair.
I want to wear my summer dresses and see a dusting of bronze on my pale skin.
I want to lay out a blanket and watch the clouds float by.
I want to swim in the river which is equally terrifying and exhilarating.
I want to eat fresh vegetables that I picked with my own hands.
I want to can sweet, succulent raspberry jam that I will eat in the winter to remind myself of summer.
I want to read scads of books while I bask in that elusive Oregon sun.
I want to visit the vineyards and drink summer wine.
Its coming and yes please, I will have some of that!

This is the epitome of a feel good song.

I have been feeling stretched very thin for several
weeks now and today as I was (again) running around town
getting supplies for all of the events I have going on I
realized that sometimes you have to just force yourself
to take a deep breath and relax even if you don't
have the time. Well this song came on the radio and I
rolled down the windows and felt the wind and the sun
and I went ahead and took that deep breath. And it felt good.

Really what life comes down to is being happy and feeling
good. Living in the moment and not letting all of those
pressing responsibilities suck away your joys.
I rather think that is what Paul Rodgers and Mick Ralphs
were thinking about when they wrote Feel Like Makin Love.

Eclipse Full Trailer

It's out...

Yum, Yum, Yes Please!

Pioneer Woman Cinnamon Rolls













These hot, gooey, bits of bread are super delicious...my family and friends (and myself) eat them up!

Musings About My Mother

I was raised by my mom Elizabeth, until I was eight years old.
In that (sometimes much too adventurous) time she taught me a lot.
Mostly she taught me, by example of what I didn’t want to be.
That teaching has guided me my entire life.
It wasn’t until recently that I began to see that she is part of me
and that it isn’t a bad thing, wonder of wonders.
I had always thought that if I was anything even slightly like her,
I would have failed which isn’t the case at all.
If anything I am all of her goodness.
Her smile, her nose, her quick laughter, her hair, her hands, her eyes,
her shyness.
But at the same time, I am me, in part because of her.
It has taken me this long to make peace with her inside of me.
And somehow I think I can love her now for her goodness that she
either knowingly or not, gave to me.
I think in a way, I am what she could have been had she been brave.
I think she would be very proud to see how brave and strong I have
become.
I hope that she would gain some satisfaction in knowing
that she helped, even if in part, make me this way.

hehe

Do I Ever Cross Your Mind (and at 78 Speed)

My mom Elizabeth taught me to be open to music of all kinds and sing without a care. For that, I thank her.

A Recent Goodread.

The Iron King


This was a great, quick read. That being said, it was very detailed for a quick read.
Loved the characters, the setting, storyline and the little romance. Can't wait for the next book in the series, 'The Iron Daughter' coming in August 2010.

Boys

Lunch Lady Land

Why yes, I am a lunch lady?

And it came to pass that in my thirtieth year that because of schedule conflicts, I discovered that the best option for employment for me was that of a lunch lady.
After much soul searching and grueling agility tests, today for the first time I donned a white plastic apron, medium clear latex-free gloves, defied the stereotype and became a super hot lunch lady.
Let it be known here and now that I refuse to by defined by the tater-tots that I so meticulously serve (exactly nine).
I will not sprout hairy moles just because all of the other lunch ladies are doing it, rather I will keep my smooth, sexy, Marilyn-esque moles.
I will not grow a shelf butt; I will keep my voluptuous heart shaped derriere because it’s what is right for me.
I will not wear a scrub like uniform with cats on it (not that there is anything wrong with that), grandma shoes or pants that come up to my boobs, I will continue to represent with my feminine, hip attire.
And I will not start eating sloppy joe’s!
In short, today I promise to provide kids with food that is somewhat edible, a smile and a sunny outlook.
Children, hold onto your trays because you may not have seen anything like this before!

How Serendipitous.

It's often so very comical and ironic how life gives you just what you need at just the right time.
After my last few posts I had really taken on a new attitude concerning the losing and gaining of relationships. I finally realized that it is so much more satisfying to remember what was good about what you had rather than being overwhelmed by the gaping hole caused by the loss.
And let me just say that it was incredibly liberating. All of my life I have been overwhelmed by the gaping hole caused by all of the losses. But I am not anymore. I gained new insight and with it revelation.
After all of this, guess who I ran into today?
My sister Misty!
I went to a store that I don't go to often and there she was...shopping just like we used to do way back before things changed.
I said, "Misty!" and we rushed to each other and hugged and something within me that was broken, sewed itself back together and was whole again. A hope was renewed.
She was well, happy and lovely, which is all I have been hoping for these last three years.
We exchanged emails and phone numbers and my heart is happy to know that she is safe.
I am looking forward to whatever happens now.
Its not so often that one finds what they were hoping for so soon after they realize what it is they were seeking. So just wanted to share the rest of that story.
Thanks for reading.

While looking back....

Recently I took a little journey through my life with music as my guide and I touched on something that I realized I needed to deal with...and it seemed fitting that I deal with it with music so here goes.

I have always loved these girls, since the day my sister said to me, listen to this... They are beautiful, soulful, talented, spirited women...I love watching them play, how they use instruments that I've never seen before, the way their voices blend together and sound just like I imagine angels should sound. I love how they took country music by storm with their sexy, folky, crooning sound. I love how they spoke their minds even when it wasn't popular.
I have honestly not listened to them though for the last three years. You see music to me is so very emotional and I connect Dixie Chicks with my sister Misty, the one who introduced me to them. I have a hard time hearing them without being reminded of my estranged relationship with her and feeling sad because I miss her and am frustrated by life and its twisty turns and I can't really have tears steaming down during carpool!
But I am trying to embrace things in life that scare me, or make me uncomfortable or sad. So tonight I am easing back into this thing that I put on a shelf.
I am letting these girls soothe my soul and I am celebrating all the things that were wonderful about my sister's friendship while I had it.
Taking the happy with the sad.
Remembering all the laughing, all the eye rolling regarding our upbringing all the fun, the singing, the sharing of our lives and our children lives.

Life is in constant motion. Always surprising us, changing just when we thought it was going to stay. I have always wanted stability and sameness so badly that I don't always allow for life to do this. I am realizing that I have to be open to the changes and embrace them whether I am ready for them or not because its never going to stop.
So I want to make the best of it.
Learning to have "wide open spaces" within me for all of the changing.

My Life In Music

My Life In Music

 

It is amazing to me how integral music is to me, how it has been written into every page of my life’s story. Every memory has a song, every single one.

I hear Kenny Rogers sing ‘You Decorated My Life’ and I am 5 years old, riding in the back seat of my moms pea green pinto, the wind blows my baby fine hair and my mom is singing in the front seat.

Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ comes on and I am 7 years old, Children’s Services has just taken me away from my mom and sent me to live with my dad, who I met that same day. My favorite Uncle Dave picks me up in his baby blue Chevy Luv and takes me to ice cream. As we drive, we sing this song and I am aware that someone cares about me after all.

I hear The Cars ‘Drive’ and I am 10 heading to the coast with my Uncle and Aunt to ride 4 -wheelers on the dunes, I feel the soft sand between my toes.

I hear Firehouse's ‘Love of a Lifetime’, I am 11 and thinking of this one guy who I had the biggest crush on. He turned out not to be the love of my lifetime but an unexpected and entertaining, albeit goat-loving friend, a million years later.

I can hear Bryan Adams ‘Everything I Do’ and I am 12 years old in Amy’s basement, we’re watching Robin Hood, singing along and wishing that we could be loved the way Robin loved Maid Marian.

I can hear U2's ‘With Or Without You’ and instantly I am 14 years old again in my upstairs room on Ella street that overlooked the city, where every winter, like magic, my windowsills would fill with happy little lady bugs.

I hear Starflyer 59’s ‘Leigh and Me’ and I am 16 and toying with the idea of really being in love, stolen kisses and fingers intertwined and then heartbreak when it was over.

I hear Gin Blossoms ‘Follow You Down, Till I Hear it From You’ and I am 17, I just surprisingly stumbled onto the love of my life.

I hear Everything But the Girl’s ‘Get Me’ and I am 18 and driving to the ocean with my Matty, happy and loved.


I hear Green Day’s ‘Time of Your Life’, its 1998 and I am planning my wedding.

I hear Frankie Vallie’s ‘Can’t Take My Eyes off You’ and I am rushing down the aisle with my love after we are pronounced husband and wife, July 25^th 1998.

Enya softly plays ‘Wild Child’ and instantly it’s the year 2000, I am holding my oh-so tiny son and his little baby head is the sweetest smell in the world. It’s the beginning of something more beautiful than I had never even imagined.

Natalie Maines soulfully croons ‘Godspeed’ and its 2004, the force of the love I feel for my sons hits me so hard that tears unbidden spring from my eyes and happily slide down my face. I hold my newborn son in one arm and my oldest in the other, our family is complete. I am fully and completely surrounded by love, more love than I knew existed.

‘Landslide’ by Dixie Chicks plays and its 2006. I am riding in the car with my sister, we sing the songs on this album countless times (on our way to jointly purchase diapers) creating a beautiful harmony and bonding together like we were never able to do as children.
As I write this I cry happy tears because of the memories we created and heartbroken tears because I miss her so much.

I hear ‘My Humps’ and am teleported to a wedding reception with my photographer best friend, on a beautiful summer day in 2007. I am assisting today. We over come surprise that these particular wedding guests would play Black Eyed Peas then proceed to shake the junk in our trunks, giggling all the while.

Taylor Swift sings ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and it’s 2009, I am in my kitchen with a beloved friend who has become a much needed sister. We sing along and pour out our love, baking it into delicious things for our families. She is the inspiration for this journey through the music of my life.

Ashley, thank you for all of the songs, the meals, the laughs and the love; May we still be singing when we are one hundred.

Check

I am happy to say that I can officially check off a life goal from my list of to do's.
Yesterday I had my first publication come out.
Its for an non-profit e-magazine called Mused.

You can check it out here:

Mused

I think mine is on page 43.
Probably more to come in the future.

Me 3/17/10

I am who I am
I cry when I see an old man at the cemetery staring down at a headstone adorned with flowers.
I hug my friends and loved ones. I even kiss their cheeks.
I make cookies and share them with everyone I know.
I cry when I see anyone else cry, even on television.
I look at my hands sometimes and see my mom’s hands and for a moment in a very private place within myself I miss and love her.
I bite my lips and squeeze my earrings when I am nervous.
I have a panic attack if I have to speak in front of a crowd.
When I hold a baby I smell its sweet little baby head.
I lose myself instantly in a good story.
I am going to travel the world someday with my husband who is the best person I know.
I still sort of believe in magic and fairies.
I am a good listener and people find it very easy to talk to me.
I look at my sons and am humbled to my core that they came from me and they will be better than me.
I look back with awe and wonder, a little twinge of sadness and immense hope on my life thus far.
I really do want to be the best version of myself; I don’t care if it sounds stupid or idealistic.
I like to think that I am a realist but probably I am an optimist.
I am cheesy and corny and sentimental.
I am fun and impulsive and silly.
I am beautiful and simple and complex.
I am who I am.

My 31'st (Twilight themed) Birthday

My all time favorite candy bar

Yes Please.

I gots the feva...I want it bad!!

Dress Jackets

I love the idea of a jacket that doubles as a dress, throw on a pair of jeans and sexy heels and of course your dress jacket and you are good to go!
Just don't take off your jacket unless you remembered a shirt.

Buy for around $70

I likey.

Steampunk Workshop

Rick Springfield - Jesse's Girl

The Scarlet Pimpernel

An old favorite.

Hmmm

I can't believe I (of all people) am doing this thing! I am seriously considering getting Amazons Kindle.
I have a birthday coming up and usually I try to choose something cool because its the one time of the year I get a gift based solely on my wants...so here I am weighing the pros and cons, vacillating about this cold, hard little machine. Yay...or nay?

A parital list.

Things you shouldn’t do while naked

1. Wood Chopping
2. Frying Bacon
3. Grocery Shopping
4. Summersaults
5. Planting a tree (unless you are John Denver)
6. Plumbing
7. Skateboarding
8. Sky Diving
9. Construction
10. Twister (in large groups)
11. Sledding
12. Tying your shoes
13. Yodeling
14. Delivering the Mail (delivering packages ok)
15. Going to the Police Station
16. Driving (Arter, we saw you)
17. Getting married
18. Going to confession
19. Zip Lining
20. Visiting Granny
21. Going to Granny’s Funeral (because you visited naked)
22. Farting (no particle barrier)
23. Mowing the lawn
24. Riding a horse (loincloth ok)
25. Riding a bike (thank you Seinfeld)
26. Eating or drinking hot things
27. Shooting a gun
28. Bowling
29. Playing the part of Santa
More to come…

Foxes

I have this fascination with foxes. Particularly the Red Fox (Vulpes Vulpes) which is native to much of North America - as well as the rest of the world.
I live in a very Fox friendly environment. Tall grass, dense woodland areas, great food and water sources and lots of farmland.
I have lived in the area since birth and for the first time last year I saw, for certain, multiple foxes.(Perhaps it is my older age making me more patient and observant.)
It was a breath taking and exciting experience.
They are beautiful and fascinating creatures. Like graceful little ninjas of the animal world.
Foxes are generally known to be nocturnal creatures but for whatever reason -perhaps field mice were too tempting- the foxes I found were out about in the early morning hours, taking whatever they could find from Mr. Farmers field.

Here are a few things I have been learning about foxes:
-They smell very similar to a skunk because they have scent glands, the skunky smell can usually be associated with courting behavior but is also used for marking territory, food etc.
-Foxes can run up to 30 miles per hour and jump 6 1/2 foott barriers.
-Foxes are known carnivores but also enjoy grasses, nuts, berries, corn and wheat.
-Although a member of the dog family, foxes have some very cat like habits.
-Foxes can hear a watch ticking 40 yards away.
-Foxes have been trained to eat pests in nurseries while not eating the fruit.
-Not all Red Foxes are actually red, they can be red, gray, brown, gold and silver.

Foxes are even guest starring in my dreams. Here is a recent one.

I was traveling down a long gravel road, I looked out the window to the right and saw a small Red Fox running across a field, it was being pursued by a large gray Coyote. I was willing it to escape. Suddenly the Fox and Coyote appeared at the fence right where I was watching and the Fox disappeared and was replaced by my youngest son Ben. I was trying to get out of the car as I watched Ben battle the Coyote, I struggled to get out to no avail and I stayed on the path driving further away until I reached the end and told the driver that we must turn around and go back hastily. When I arrived, I saw Ben and knew he was injured even though no cuts showed on his face. (It was as if my mind knew I couldn't handle seeing him bleeding.) I felt all over his body to make sure he was whole and he told me not to worry the Fox had returned and defeated the Coyote. I looked out into the empty field and knew for certain that after I had looked away, Ben had transformed into the Fox and saved himself. (I told my boys this dream and they both said, wow Mom that is weird and cool!)

Anyway, I very much wish I had my camera when I spotted the Red Fox this last summer, it was glorious and I would have loved to have had that visual forever (not just in my dreams). The sun was coming up behind the trees and casting rays through the branches out onto the tall yellow grass, the golden Fox sat patiently watching and listening for its breakfast. I am going to go on a hunt this summer and see if I can capture it on film.

A Tasty Red

Tempranillo 06

Scooter-One (Always Hardcore) ???

Wow.

Devotion

There are moments of complete clarity when all of life’s complexities are made simple…when we lay together, our legs tangled, our hands holding loosely and we talk about little things. All of my worries are soothed and I am at ease. And I know for certain that two people can fashion a religion out of love.

Anne Siems

Love, love, love this!
The top one especially. The subjects are ethereal but look at all of the life growing and thriving around them. And the detail in the dresses. Good- Ness!





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