Saturday, March 27, 2010

While looking back....

Recently I took a little journey through my life with music as my guide and I touched on something that I realized I needed to deal with...and it seemed fitting that I deal with it with music so here goes.

I have always loved these girls, since the day my sister said to me, listen to this... They are beautiful, soulful, talented, spirited women...I love watching them play, how they use instruments that I've never seen before, the way their voices blend together and sound just like I imagine angels should sound. I love how they took country music by storm with their sexy, folky, crooning sound. I love how they spoke their minds even when it wasn't popular.
I have honestly not listened to them though for the last three years. You see music to me is so very emotional and I connect Dixie Chicks with my sister Misty, the one who introduced me to them. I have a hard time hearing them without being reminded of my estranged relationship with her and feeling sad because I miss her and am frustrated by life and its twisty turns and I can't really have tears steaming down during carpool!
But I am trying to embrace things in life that scare me, or make me uncomfortable or sad. So tonight I am easing back into this thing that I put on a shelf.
I am letting these girls soothe my soul and I am celebrating all the things that were wonderful about my sister's friendship while I had it.
Taking the happy with the sad.
Remembering all the laughing, all the eye rolling regarding our upbringing all the fun, the singing, the sharing of our lives and our children lives.

Life is in constant motion. Always surprising us, changing just when we thought it was going to stay. I have always wanted stability and sameness so badly that I don't always allow for life to do this. I am realizing that I have to be open to the changes and embrace them whether I am ready for them or not because its never going to stop.
So I want to make the best of it.
Learning to have "wide open spaces" within me for all of the changing.

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