And it came to pass that in my thirtieth year that because of schedule conflicts, I discovered that the best option for employment for me was that of a lunch lady.
After much soul searching and grueling agility tests, today for the first time I donned a white plastic apron, medium clear latex-free gloves, defied the stereotype and became a super hot lunch lady.
Let it be known here and now that I refuse to by defined by the tater-tots that I so meticulously serve (exactly nine).
I will not sprout hairy moles just because all of the other lunch ladies are doing it, rather I will keep my smooth, sexy, Marilyn-esque moles.
I will not grow a shelf butt; I will keep my voluptuous heart shaped derriere because it’s what is right for me.
I will not wear a scrub like uniform with cats on it (not that there is anything wrong with that), grandma shoes or pants that come up to my boobs, I will continue to represent with my feminine, hip attire.
And I will not start eating sloppy joe’s!
In short, today I promise to provide kids with food that is somewhat edible, a smile and a sunny outlook.
Children, hold onto your trays because you may not have seen anything like this before!